B r e a k DOWN pt 4

Everything is as it should be. i have a boy who makes me happy and deserves me. my friends & i are qetttin alonq. School is awesome , social life is qreat. but somehow its not enough . i have every reason to smile , yet i can only hide my face and cry . when im with him it feels ok . other than tht - :'( . idk what im lookin for. maybe im looking for someone to understnd. maybe im lookin for someone to see tht im dying inside & save me. maybe im lost. idk what it is. but im hoping i figure it out soon .

B r e a k DOWN pt 3

Then theres the whole relationship thinq. theres always one person i fall WAYY too fast for. Everyone else is just there. i feel bad saying that, but its true. i get bored easily, i move on , i just dont give a fuck. i feel bad hurting ppl . And i half die when im hurt. i Fall , i hurt, i qet up aqain. thts the way its always been.

i was on and off with this quy for about 5/6 months ? . . . . and in those 5 months i went through more than i think ive gone through with anyone. hes was everything to me. he was the reason for every smile , and the reason for every tear. He put me through hell & back and i stuck by his side. because thts what u do when yu realy care about someone. you stick around. iwasnt afraid to look stupid. well tht relationship ended horribly. or maybe it ddnt end yet, i cant tell . ithnk its really over this time though . and the thought of tht excites me. terrifies me. brings me to tears. i have someone new, whos everything i should have everything my ex isnt. and he makes me so happy. but for some reason . i thnk of my ex, and i cnt do anything but yell and cry. its not fair it didnt work. its not fair i qave it my all & was left with nothing. i put my heart and soul into tht relationship . Hes mad at me for trying to move on, and im mad at him for not understanding. TOO MUCH happened to qo back now. The relationship was destroyed beyond repair. And it took forever to accept it , but iknow now itll N e v e r work . Sometimes no matter how much you care, you have to accept tht some things just arent meant to be. And this is one of them. iLove him , & iwnt forqet him. but i have to let him qo now. ='/

B r e a k DOWN pt2

Why me ? Why did i live , and not them. ithnk about the ppl weve lost, all the ppl who die on a regular basis. and it tears me apart.

i misss anqelo sooo much sometimes. iknow iknow , nothing i do will bring him back. i couldnt have saved him . there was nothing i couldve done tht night. And crying like this will only make me sick . But see i lost myself when i lost him . IDK why itook it as hard as i did , or why its haunting me the way it is to this day. but i did. i like died. and then i qot better. or i pretended to be better . to this day. i look at crowds of boys, waitin to see him pop outa nowhere like yoo wahs qood. lol :') . i want to stop crying, i wanna be better . ive tried all types of things, but nomatter what i do , its something thts embeded in me. its something idnt thnk will ever qo away . And its killing me inside.

- RIP anqelo :'(

B r e a k DOWN.- pt 1

For the longest time, all ive asked for is happiness. And now its like i have everything tht should make me happy. And i qo around saying how happy i am , because i should be. But for some reason , i lay down at night , and still cry myself to sleep . its like i told chelsie , its not fair. Nomatter what i do , tht thouqht creeps into my mind. The thouqht of all the relationships tht were supposed to work , all the ppl who were supposed to live. . . .