Undecided.

im the type of qrl , that sees what she wants & qoes for it.... but lately ive been the type of qrl who doesnt even know what she wants. i hate hurting people. ican be the biggest bitch ever. idnt mind telling you the truth. but when it comes to breaking hearts , it kills me. ithought iloved him . but he was everything i ddnt want. he was everything i should never have , everything thats bad for me. yet - the only thing my heart was calling for. and then i thought i ddnt care. ithought it was over. for good this time. & in a way it is. we will never be what we started off as. what were supposed to be. because now i have feelings for someone else. someone who deserves me. idnt really know him tht well , but he makes me feel good. he deserves a fair chance. hes what iwant. but. idont know if im ready to give him that chance. idont know if ican give him my heart , when i know my ex still has it. and this makes me so mad, iwant this kid. & i hate my ex. but icnt let him qo . iknow we wont be toqether aqain . its jus the fact tht he stays on my mind. he hurt me over & over . HE DOESNT DESERVE ME. its over. its over. its over . and it repeats in my mind. i qet it . its done with. but my heart doesnt want to accept it. and this isnt fair to this new kid. hes sooo sweet. hes everything. its not fair that i dont know what i want. and its not fair tht idont let him know. iquess im afraid of what he'll say. or maybe im afraid tht he wont even qive a fuck. like maybe he doesnt want me the way iwant him . but then im afraid to ask . ihave the biggest fear of rejection . ijust dont want to lose him before i really HAVE him . but idont want to hurt him either. idont know what to do and it hurts. im undecided . & its driving me c r a z y . *